But here's a secret...
I really struggle with my own meditative practice.
Oh I know all the tips and tricks, don't push thoughts away, let them flow past, notice the moment, focus on...
And that's part of the problem. My neuro sparkly wiring can think and watch me thinking and watching me thinking and watching that I really ought to be focussing on my breathing... Not thinking and watching... And so on...
I made a decision.
I WILL get better at meditating.
And of course I lasted precisely one session and ended feeling drained and a bit of a failure. And that's where a coaching mindset comes in. I have a goal
I want to be better at meditating
Why this? Why now?
Well I'm tired, and busy, and lacking clarity, I need a rest, and meditation should give me that.
Ok. So what does not being tired and busy and being clear and well rested look like?
Ridiculous question (and this is why coaching myself is a bad idea!) I have no idea!
Dear friend, at this point I imagined I was coaching you, not me...
I see, you're feeling tired and busy, lacking rest and clarity... Where in your body do you feel that?
All over! I'm tired, I have a headache and I can't settle in bed.
So what would being clear and rested feel like?
I don't know.... Ummm. (The coaching umm is powerful, your brain is kicking in at this point, work with it. Lean into the hard questions)
I guess I would feel an inner calm, my body would be all floppy and my brain would be peaceful, singing a happy little song to itself not constantly reminding me of my to do list.
Ah so your body would feel different? More relaxed?
Yes! Just that, like when I've been for a really good massage and my mind drifts off because my body is being moved and released but I'm not thinking about it...
So like a massage?
Ooooooh! (This is the lightbulb moment!) I have been assuming that sitting quietly and telling my brain to shut up would work, because it works for other people, but I'm not other people, I'm me. I need to actually use my body to settle my mind... I obviously need to book in a regular massage to unwind my thinking, and get out of my head. I also reckon there are some meditation techniques I can use that will do similar things! Great! I have a plan! I will book a massage for next week, and I will research and try out embodied meditation techniques!
And that's the power of holistic, creative coaching. The easy option would have been for me to spend ten minutes every day getting increasingly frustrated with myself... The hard option is to look at those different angles, the things we don't know we know, and the things we miss when our attention is focussed elsewhere.
Now if I had told myself to buckle up and get going, pushed for targets and actions based on being better at meditating, I'd have remained stuck, but by taking the time, working with someone external to myself, I am able to reframe and refocus on the purpose of the goal, the real why behind the initial goal, and set targets that actually work for me. (And probably won't work for you, which is why a one size fits all will never ever work!)
